That time my husband almost left me…
Allow me recreate the scene for you.
I was in the midst of one of my many intense dieting bouts. Other than the disgusting and scanty meal replacements that I HAD to eat for my dieting program, the only other foods I could eat were veggies and fruits.
I felt scared to ever go out to eat, attend a party or generally be in a social situation because I was in such constant scarcity mindset that I felt that any exposure to real food would send me into a tail spin of m&ms and pizza-eating for a week.
Make no mistake that THIS is what dieting culture does to us.
So, you can imagine that when my friend Lisa came to visit my husband and I in Boston and she suggested going out to eat, I was paralyzed. I couldn’t say no but I was also dreading it and had my fists clenched in defiant will-power mode the whole time. Let’s just say I wasn’t relaxed. (a true shame now that I think back on it)
We decided on Legal Seafood where I knew I could at least order some sides of broccoli and potato. I had also done my due diligence by snarfing down one of those gnarly pre-packaged, vacuum-sealed monstrosities, ahem, I mean meal replacements, so I wouldn’t be starving upon arrival and go straight for the rolls.
I ordered an ample oversized serving of broccoli, a salad with no dressing and a potato. (mmm, indulgence at it’s highest, not)
Then the unexpected happened.
My husband was happily eating his salmon with rice, a roll with lots of butter and a fried appetizer that had come earlier.
And then he said the dreaded 7 words.
“Can I have some of your broccoli?”
Now, before you judge me and think I’m a terrible wife with no manners and no generosity, please remember that I was literally in a fight-or-flight response from weeks of calorie deprivation and sheer discipline in keeping up with my soul-crushing, pleasure-eradicating, and misery-inducing dieting.
“NO! Come on! Get your own order of broccoli,” I replied angrily. “This is the only $%#ing thing I can eat dude!”
I was HOARDING MY BROCCOLI, ya’ll.
Seriously, I needed an intervention!
My sweet and selfless hubby was visibly taken aback but complied and even my friend was giving me the side-eye over my response. He gave me the silent treatment on the way home and for the rest of the night but I was so sure I was in the right about this that I held my ground and took it in stride until we hashed it out a few nights later.
Sadly, it wasn’t until years later when I finally abandoned dieting for good and adopted mindful and intuitive eating did I realize how sad and pathetic that whole scene was at the Legal Seafood. And it made me sad that I allowed dieting and restriction to put me in such a mean place where I would act so rudely towards someone I love so deeply.
We joke about it now but when I recall this story, my husband always says he literally considered whether he could stay in a relationship with someone so obnoxious and stingy!
I’ll admit it now. Yes, I was obnoxious and stingy and dieting made me do it!
And for what? For the high honor of being in a smaller body? To get the applause and accolades of my co-workers and friends? To prove something to myself? Whatever it was, I’ll tell you this:
It wasn’t worth it.
If you relate to this story in any way, I want to invite you to learn more about how you too can achieve food freedom.
I put together a mini-course for you on 6 Steps to Food Freedom and it’s DIRT CHEAP.
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Go grab it here and let’s all resolve to share our broccoli and so much more with our loved ones.
Thanks for reading and have a fabulous week you guys!
Lots of love,
Jenny (the reformed broccoli-hoarder)
Become a Wellness Warrior
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